The Folly of College Football Bowl Games

Way too much ink has been spilled in vitriol against the BCS.  I am usually the optimist who will feel bad for the underdog, the picked-on, trying to find something good in what everyone else sees as bad.  Not possible with the BCS.  I don’t have to convince anyone that it is (insert rage here) ridiculous.  I want to look at the other side here.  Everyone wants a playoff because the BCS system more closely resembles a beauty contest than athletic competition.  But let’s think for a minute about how futile bowl games are.  

Let’s begin with the obvious - how can we take seriously a game which is played on blue astroturf, features 2 teams from mid-major conferences, and is called the Famous Idaho Potato Bowl?  ESPN tries to get us to care but I don’t even think most Toledo fans watched.  Games played in half-empty stadiums named for whoever shells out the big bucks to put their name on the game by players who have practiced for 4 weeks since their last competition don’t really do it for me.

But its not just the Beef ‘O’ Brady’s Bowl (Ball St. vs. Central Florida in case you care, which I’m sure you don’t) that is frivolous - they all are.  Yes, that includes you too Rose Bowl.  I know Keith Jackson calls you the granddaddy of them all but you mean nothing.  I grew up in Pac 10 country and then lived in Big 10 country after college.  How funny is it to see Buckeye fans wearing t-shirts which read “Rose Bowl Champions”.  Congratulations.  You are the champion of a game between 2 schools who may or may not have won their conferences and if they did it means their conference wasn’t the best in the country or else they would have been playing in a different bowl game.  But if it makes you feel good to call yourself champion then you go right ahead.  

More evidence for the meaninglessness of bowl games is the games themselves.  If you need more plays for the back of your playbook then watch more bowl games.  The reason college coaches not named Les Myles don’t do onside kicks in the 3rd quarter and fake punts 50% of the time in the regular season is because the regular season matters and coaches really want to win those games.  Bowl games on the other hand - who cares if you win or lose, so you might as well try out all of your fake field goal plays.      Remember the famous Boise State vs. Oklahoma Fiesta Bowl?  BSU forced overtime on a hook and ladder, and won in OT on a Statue of Liberty play - the same plays we drew up on the playground in 6th grade.  It is the same approach I take when I play video games - never kick a field goal - always go for it, never punt - 4th down is never too long, never kick off - always go onside.  Why?  Because who wins a bowl game matters about the same amount as who wins the video game in my living room.  

I actually saw 2 guys on the sideline of the Arizona game today (the Gildan New Mexico Bowl vs. Nevada - I didn’t watch it I just saw the highlights) punching each other in the face.  You usually don’t see teammates comes to blows in the middle of games that matter.

And here is the reason why I wrote this article - if the coaches don’t give a rat’s patoot about these football games then why should I.  It happens every year.  December is the month in which college coaches take new jobs.  Wait a minute...THE SEASON’S NOT OVER YET!  The Wisconsin Badgers will be coached in their bowl game this year by Barry Alvarez.  Why?  Because their coach took the job at Arkansas (in my opinion that was a ridiculous professional decision but that is another post).  And oh by the way, Wisconsin is playing in the Rose Bowl this year!  What if Jim Leyland would have retired in between the ALCS and the World Series?  That would be ridiculous...right?  And why would that be ridiculous?  Because the World Series is not an exhibition, it matters.   

Having said all that, I will watch as many bowl games as I can this year.  I am a sucker.  I will watch the onside kick fests coached by interim head coaches by adolescents who haven’t played in over a month.  I will watch them and be entertained, but will mostly watch them asking the question at the end of each impressive win by a quality team, “what could have been.”  I will watch the Rose Bowl and think how much better it would be if it was a national quarterfinal between the Pac-12 champs and the Big-10 champs only to play next week in the semifinal game against the winner of the SEC champs vs. A Wild Card team.  

Since you asked, here is my solution:

Champions from the 6 “BCS” conferences (of course they wouldn’t be called BCS conferences because the BCS would be taken out back and given what it deserves) are automatic bids.  The 2 highest ranked non-BCS conference champions are also in as are the 2 highest ranked non-conference champions.  The first round is 4 teams, the other 6 get a bye.  Then let ‘em have at it.  

Top 10 - Worst Hair in Sports

The first of what is sure to be many to come.  Lists.  I love lists.  I love the subjectivity of it all.  Here is the first - Bad Hair.  The rule for this list is that it has to be current hair - we are not making a list of all time, just a list for now.  This list is partially biased towards my watching Arsenal play this week and watching an NBA doubleheader tonight.  While we may disagree on the top 10, we can all agree that there is some bad hair going on is sports today.  Leave you nominations in the comments.  

10 - Marv Albert - 

You might be thinking, “his hair looks fine.”  His hair does look fine...on a 39 year old.  The problem is that Marv Albert is 71.  

9 -  Bryan Engblom - 

- Baseball players and football players are largely not know for their hair as their career is spent wearing a hat/helmet.  Hockey players also wear helmets yet they still have their own genre of hair.  No one does it better than Bryan Engblom.

8 - Michael Beasley - 

Cornrows?  Still?  Does he look in the mirror each morning and say, “oooohhh yeeeeaaaaahh, early 2000’s criminal, exactly what I’m going for.”

7 -  Eric Spoelstra - 

 - Wilson is a clown, Engblom is a hockey player, at least they have excuses.  This is Spo’s attempt at suave.  Maybe he learned from his mentor Pat Riley.  At least Riley’s used to work for him back when it had color and wasn’t so long that it is curling at the collar as it is now.  Spo’s hair symbolizes the Heat’s failures before last year - unwilling to actually step up and be something.  Lebron and co. fixed their problem, the coach’s greased mop must now do the same.  

6 - Bryce Harper -

 I think he actually got a haircut, but it was too late.  You are 19, you just received the most hyped call-up to the majors that I can remember, SportsCenter is covering your every step, and your Parents have to see you on TV with the Daniel Boone coonskin cap underneath your Nationals hat?  First impressions...bro.

5 - Bacary Sagna - 

  I’m all about having a trademark - Lebron’s headband, Tiger’s fistpump, Jordan’s tongue, Rodgers’ discount double check - but this?

4 - Mel Kyper - 

 - You are on TV for a living.  I know you cover football, Mel, but come on.  I actually can’t even stand Mel Kyper when he is on the radio.  I would not be able to call myself a friend if you were on a date and you had a boogie hanging out of your nose and I did not tell you.  Where are Mel’s friends?  Where were they 15 years ago?

3 - Brian Wilson - 

 - Man! I hate the Giants, and I can’t stand Brian Wilson.

2 - Marouane Chamak - 

 - Congratulations, Arsenal, on having 2 players in the top 10.  And all the Arsenal fans said, “give us a break...they’re both French.”

1 - Andrew Bynum - 

When you win you get 2 pics.  The bizarre thing about Bynum is that there seems to be no fashion statement going on here.  If the big man had things figured out on the court then we would view his hair in a different way.  Unfortunately his hair epitomizes his career - confused.  

How Terrell Pryor Saved Columbus

The Ohio State University is, according to Wikipedia, the 3rd largest public university in America.  It has the largest NCAA fan base in the country, and their scarlet and grey merchandise emblazoned with the block “O” leads the country in sales every year.  Their stadium seats over 100,000 fans.  They are also home to TBDBITL.  Those who love the Ohio State University can thank Terrell Pryor for salvaging their institution.  

Yes, that Terrell Pryor.  The one who headed up the tattoos for merchandise scandal which cost (the most beloved man in Columbus at the time) Jim Tressel his job and cost the Buckeyes their bowl eligibility for the 2012 season.  Take it back Buckeye fans.  All those bad words you placed in between Terell and Pryor.  All those #2 jerseys you burned in anger.  Take them all back.  He saved your university.

First you must understand the 58,000+ students at OSU.  This is the student body that loses dozens of couches every week in fall - they burn them in anger when the Buckeyes lose, they burn them in euphoria when the Buckeyes win.  Everyone knows not to leave your car parked east of High St. at night on a Saturday because if the right atmosphere surrounds it, it may get overturned - in anger when the Buckeyes lose, in unbridled joy when the Buckeyes win.  

Of course last Saturday night was an extra raucous party on High as the Buckeyes not only beat Michigan, but capped off a perfect 12-0 season.  The damage done from those parties would have only been a drop in the bucket compared to the damage that would have been done tonight, Sunday, Dec. 2nd, in Columbus, Ohio had Terrell Pryor not exchanged tattoos for autographs.  

Were it not for Terrell Pryor, tonight’s BCS selection show (assuming, of course, that the Buckeyes would have rolled over Nebraska last night in the Big 10 championship game), would have a revealed a National Championship final of the 12-0 Fighting Irish of Notre Dame vs. the 12-1 Crimson Tide of Alabama, with the 13-0 Buckeyes going to the Rose Bowl...and OSU, Columbus and possibly the state of Ohio going up in flames.  If you’ve not experienced the irrationality of OSU fans then you don’t understand, but this would have destruction that Sandy and Katrina could only aspire to.  

In the AP poll, the only poll that the BCS ineligible Buckeyes are eligible for, the Buckeyes are 3rd.  In the USA today poll Alabama is #2 but still received 3 out of 59 first place votes!  Who knows what the computers would have spit out, but I have no doubt that they would have led to the most pissed off Rose Bowl participants of all time.  Let’s be honest - Kansas St., Oregon, Notre Dame - however this season played out at the end there was going to be an SEC team in the Championship Game.  Now I am not saying that Alabama is not the best team in the country, I am only saying that the people who decide on this what-should-be-a-sporting-competition-but-is-really-a-popularity-contest had their minds made up before the season started.  When people started asking in October the (incredibly ridiculous) question of whether or not Alabama could beat the Jacksonville Jaguars of the NFL you know that objectivity is thrown out the window.  

Full disclosure - I am a Buckeye.  And honestly, I believe that if Alabama played OSU next week that Alabama would win (the spread would be a lot lower now than it was pre-Texas A&M loss).  But that this is how the national championship is decided is the 2nd most embarrassing news story in major american sports (thanks NHL).  

The BCS got real lucky this year that they didn’t have to do this.  Columbus, Ohio got real lucky that this scenario didn’t play out.  It is much better for everyone involved that the Buckeyes beat the Wolverines and rode off into the sunset with the undefeated season.  And I never thought I would say it but...thanks Terrell Pryor.  I really mean it, thanks.