Ten Observations from Opening Day

It is my favorite holiday of the year.  You say you don’t get the day off for Opening Day?  You should, it is a holiday at my house.

1.  This will be the 105th year of Cubs futility, and there are no signs of that streak ending time soon.

My Father HATES the Cubs.  I never understood the angst there.  Its on par with despising the Washington Generals, or Plankton, or Nuns - they’re not hurting anyone, just let them do their thing.  About 15 years my Father started a tradition of reminding everyone, “In October I am going to throw a party to celebrate 90 years of Cubs futility.”  You can imagine his excitement when they hit the century mark.  Well its that time of year again, and seeing the Cubs Opening Day roster would have to say that they have zero chance of breaking their 105 year World Series Championship draught.  There 67 years since appearing in the World Series is a number that will roll over to 68 at year’s end as well.  Jeff Samrdzijadafdlkja looked great, and I feel bad that Starlin Castro will waste away at Wrigley, but there are few (Rizzo?) other bright spots in that organization other than a wonderful ballpark experience at Wrigley.

2.  Speaking of futility, the odds are against the Pirates to finish above .500 for the first time since 1992.  

A friend of mine who is a Pirates fan has issued the team an ultimatum - he will stop being a Pirates if they do not have a .500 or better season before his son reaches the age that he was when the Pirates last had a winning season - they have 3 years to make it happen or else Geof is going to find another team.  Vegas has the over/under at 79 wins this year.  AJ Burnett looked good in the opener but lost.  They lost a lot of games against the Astros as they moved to the AL and did little in the offseason to improve (although I like Russell Martin, he is a winner).  I hope I am wrong about this, but I would take the under.

3.  Inter-league play on Opening Day is borderline blasphemy.

The Reds/Angels game proved to be a beauty with 4 innings of free baseball, but it just seemed weird.  With the Astros moving to the AL West thus evening the American and National Leagues at 15 each with 5 teams in each division, it has become (in my opinion) a necessary evil to have one inter-league series going on the entire season.  It was weird on Opening Day, it will be horrible the last weekend in September when the Tigers, in the thick of a pennant race, will travel to Miami to play an inter-league game agains the Marlins.  

4.  In his 64th year on the air, Vin Scully never sounded better

Dodgers baseball is perhaps the only thing in my life that looks and sounds the same now as it did when I was a child.  I have driven by my childhood home and the tree house is torn down.  My favorite restaurant is no longer there.  My childhood friends are all adults now.  But the Dodgers experience - I can still go to the same stadium, watch my team play in the same uniforms, eat a Dodger Dog, and hear the same voice of Vin Scully coming out of the radio of the guy sitting next to me.  When I was a kid going to Dodger Stadium you never had to bring your own radio because it was almost like every 8th seat had a radio that came with it, and you could hear Vin Scully voice in just about every seat in the entire stadium.  This is his 64th year on the air, and he hasn’t lost a step.

5.  Since we are on the Dodgers, they looked great. 

I have been outspoken in my thoughts about the new ownership.  Just because you have the money, doesn’t mean you should spend the money.  The twenty million dollars you are giving to Carl Crawford this year is twenty million dollars that you can’t give to someone else.  However, Crawford looked very sharp yesterday.  Even though he was gunned down trying to steal third, he hit the ball hard, scored on a passed ball, and did not seem to be suffering any ill effects from the injury.  Kershaw will be great, Grienke should be fine once he gets back in the rotation, and if they can get decent production from one or two of Beckett, Ryu, Capuano, Billingsley, or Lily, then they could win 100 games.

6.  This could be a long year in NY

The Mets got the Opening Day win but they are awful.  I feel bad for David Wright.  The Yankees are fielding 2/3 of a AAA lineup.  When was the last time you looked at a Yankee lineup and said, “who is that guy?”  Sabbathia will be fine, but then who?  The Mets will not finish in last place, thanks to the Marlins, but with the AL East being what it is this year, it wouldn’t take much for the Yankees to finish the season in the cellar.  The baseball guys at Grantland predicted the last place team (Orioles) in the AL East to have an 81-81 record.  With a weighted schedule that is a ludicrous prognostication, but the point remains that there is little separation in the East.  It could be a very cold October in the Big Apple. 

7.  A-Rod 647 v. 762

A-Rod was conspicuously absent from the Yankees lineup.  Remember 5 years when we all knew that Bonds was going to break Aaron’s record but not to worry because A-Rod would come along shortly and break the record, which would stand for a few years until Pujols broke it for good?  At that time it seemed inevitable.  But now here we are, A-Rod sitting on 647 and looking at a prolonged stint on the DL thanks to off-season hip surgery.  He won’t join the team before the All-Star break and after how he ended last season (being benched in the playoffs) I don’t see the Yankees counting down the days until his return.  Add to all of this the added baggage of a Biogenesis PED investigation by MLB and the bitterness of fans and ownership at still owing him $114 million (when all is said and done we may look at this as the worst contract in the history of the game).    All told I would put the over/under on A-Rod home runs this year at 7.5 - I would still take the under.

8.  Harper and Strasburg are not one hit wonders

Stasburg got the win and looked like the Promised One, and Harper hit 2 home runs.  I said in my last article that I can’t imagine the Nationals not improving on last year, and they won 98 games last year.  A World Series title is not a ridiculous proposition in DC.  And then next year I will say again, “the Nats can only be better this year than last year.”  The future is looking very bright.  Maybe 3 years from now when the Washington Walgreens have 2 World Series titles people will be saying, “I’m glad the ownership was cautious with Strasburg back in ’12.  

9.  Kevin Youklis looks strange without his goatee.  He looks even stranger in pinstripes.

There are some things that were just meant to be - PB+J, John+Paul+George+Ringo - and there are some things that just don’t feel right - Robert Plant’s solo career, orange juice after toothpaste, etc.  Kevin Youklis’ one handed grip, signature goatee, and bulldog approach to the game just seemed like it was a perfect marriage with Fenway Park and the Boston faithful.  To see him yesterday clean shaven in pinstripes just felt...icky.   

10.  MLB.TV is the best/worst thing that has ever happened to me.  

I am a Dodgers fan who lives on the east coast.  Most first pitches are at 10:10 pm.  I also have 4 kids.  I find myself being glad sometimes when I realize the Dodgers have the day off.  Oh this cursed/blessed addiction...

2013 Baseball Prognostications

NL Division Winner

• Nationals - I can’t imagine the Nats not being better than last year, and they won 98 games last year.  
• Reds - The Reds benefited from a starting rotation that had a combined 0 trips to the DL last year; many of those guys also had career years.  Surely that can’t be repeated but no one else in the NL Central scares me if I’m the Reds.  The Cardinals’ midas touch can’t continue forever...can it?
• Dodgers - The embarrassment of riches in the starting rotation is a great problem to have when 1) the season is 162 games long, 2) one of the guys you are counting on is a rookie from Korea, and 3) another you are counting on is named Josh Beckett.  If Crawford can get on base and Hanley can get healthy then Gonzalez could be an MVP type guy in that lineup.
• WC - Giants - I can’t imagine them winning the west with that (lack of) offense.  But, I’ve said that a few times in the last 3 years (Man! I hate the Giants).
• WC - Braves - One wild card has to come from the NL East where your schedule is weighted heavily toward games against the Mets and Marlins.  

AL Division Winners

• Rays - They keep doing it, and doing it, and doing it well.  The Yankees are scraping the bottom of the barrel, the Red Sox are rebuilding a bit, and those teams that are assembled in one offseason with lots of additions (Blue Jays) usually don’t pan out too well in the first season (exception - ’97 Marlins).  The Orioles can’t possibly do it again with that starting pitching rotation.  
• Tigers - I would be surprised if they made the World Series again but I would very surprised if they did not win the AL Central again.
• Angels - What an absolute nightmare for opposing pitchers.  My pick to win the AL
• WC - A’s - I don’t analyze the A’s, I just trust them.
• WC - Someone from the AL Central - Sox? Royals? Indians?  I just don’t see anyone from the east doing it.  Things could be much better in Cleveland and KC.  I could see any one of these teams breaking out, and I could see each of them losing 90 games.

World Series - Angles over the Dodgers

AL MVP - Cabrera - In the last 4 years he has not hit under .320, or under 103 RBI. Or under 30 HR.  He has also averaged 158.3 games played over the last 9 years.  He is the safest bet for production of any player in baseball.  Oh yeah, and he won the triple crown last year.  

NL MVP - Votto - Votto is a joy to watch hit, but when you look at his advanced numbers it gets just plain silly.  He has popped up 4 times...in his career! (I had to confirm this one).  According to Tom Verducci, he hits .300 when falling behind in the count (league average is .198).  Braun will probably have higher numbers in the sexy statistics but I don’t see Braun leading his team to the playoffs.  Votto has the potential to put up epic numbers, and I fully anticipate him being the most valuable player on a playoff team, which has proven to matter to voters in recent years.

AL Cy - J. Verlander - Best pitcher in the AL, not even close.

NL Cy - C. Kershaw - Best pitcher in baseball, Verlander is the only one who is even close.

AL ROY - Wil Myers (TB) - I am hoping the Rays don’t call him up too soon as he will be playing AAA ball about 10 miles from my house.

NL ROY - Gerrit Cole (Pit) - If there is ever a place a rookie can stand out it is in the Pirates starting rotation.  Compared to Pirates starting pitchers over the last, oh... 20 years, it won’t take much to look good.  

The what could have been, never will be, but why not slam dunk contest

Welcome to the paternity leave edition of Limping Gibby.  As I spend time this week letting the little bag of beans sleep on my chest while trying not to neglect the other 3 little men in my life I am thankful for good television this weekend.  I am excited about, and have (I think successfully) gotten my kids excited about watching the 3 point shootout and slam dunk contest tonight. 

 If I were to be honest, my excitement stems as much from nostalgia as it does from watching players even I, as a more than casual NBA fan, know nothing about try their hands at the dunk contest.  Some of the best moments in NBA history have happened on the Saturday night of All-Star Weekend.  Let’s try an experiment - think back in your memory database about the NBA All-Star Weekend.  I would be willing to bet that you have 5 Saturday night memories for every one actual All-Star Game memory.  Jordan from the free-throw line, Bird winning the 3 point shootout without even taking off his warm-up,  Dominique Wilkins earning his nickname “The Human Highlight Reel”, Ced Ceballos’ blindfold, Dee Brown with the single greatest non-commercial sports marketing moment of all time, Dwight Howard’s cape. 

I am one of the few people remaining, even among NBA fans, who will go out his way to watch the festivities tonight.  The event has lost a bit of its glitz.  But let’s ask the question, “What if…?”  There are certain events in sports that we would label “must see.”  There are the big ones – World Series, Opening Ceremony, Super Bowl, etc.  Then there are the unscheduled ones – McGwire vs. Sosa, Adrian Peterson chasing Eric Dickerson, etc.  Every once in a while a matchup becomes must see – Lochte vs. Phelps, some Brady/Manning regular season contests were epic.  I am going to propose the most must see non-championship sporting event of the year – the 2013 Slam Dunk Contest.  Imagine the hype for this showdown (and I don’t think I am asking for the moon here, this is very doable), sticking with the current format of 3 players from the East and 3 from the West.

East:

Lebron James – Miami Heat.  The best player on the planet, maybe even the history of the planet.  One thing Jordan has that Lebron never will – a slam dunk contest title (1987, 1988).

Nate Robinson – Chicago Bulls.  It is a shame that this guy has 3 slam dunk contest titles (’06, ’09, ’10), but this should gain him entry into this (shouldn’t be but is) fictional event.

James “Flight” White – As Brent Barry (’96 champ) showed us, a little bit of white can do a dunk contest good.  As a caucasian dunk enthusiast, we take what we can get.  Anyone who has pulled off a between the legs from the free throw line dunk is in (clip below, fast forward to 4:45)

West:

Blake Griffin – Los Angeles Clippers.  Need I say more?

DeAndre Jordan – Los Angeles Clippers.  Think nastiness just short of Griffin, in a 7 foot frame.  He is the definition of "above the rim".  

Dwight Howard – Los Angeles Lakers.  The best champ in recent dunk history.  It would be a chance for us to see how his back really is doing.  It would be a chance for Superman to add something positive to an otherwise nightmarish season.  It would be a chance for him to show off his winning smile in a context other than on the court being spanked by 25 by their across-the-hallway rivals.

Actually, now that I look at this list and think about the possibilities I am shocked that ESPN has not made this happen.  Maybe it because the contest will air on TNT, but I can’t believe ESPN hasn’t hijacked the contest, put it on their networks, set this lineup, and unleashed a media frenzy the likes of which we haven’t seen since Michael Jordan turned 50 (oh wait…).  King James vs. Superman vs. the 3x champ vs. Mr. Lob City A vs. Mr. Lob City B vs. the guy whose career is built around dunk contests yet still has the surname White.  I would be more excited about this aerial display than Harbaugh vs. Harbaugh, Lochte vs. Phelps, Nadal vs. Federer.  

As my what-could-have-been excitement builds for a fictitious event I going to pretend this is possible.  Here is how Vegas might see it.

Griffin – 3-1

White – 3-1

Jordan – 4-1

James – 4-1 

Robinson – 5-1

Howard – 6-1

I am thinking of ways to make it happen.  I have a few:

1. Get ESPN involved.
2. Fans vote for the participants.  Let the superstars say no to the fans and then let’s see the backlash.  With the current hoopla about King James vs. His Airness it would only take one reporter challenging Lebron by mentioning that Michael has 2 dunk titles and Lebron has never even tried (Kobe also has 1).
3. Get the shoe guys involved.  The dunk contest is the greatest thing ever to happen to Nike Air Jordans and Reebok Pumps

The agents and the GM’s will fight against this happening.  They shouldn’t.  They will say that it is too risky for an event that doesn’t matter.  To that I would respond with 1) when has anyone ever gotten hurt in a dunk contest? and 2) sports don’t matter, if we really think about it, except for their entertainment value.  And what could possibly be more entertaining than this?

Speaking of entertainment, here are some embeds to whet your appetite.  

The Power of Story

     In a week of Manti Te’o, Lance Armstrong, and the opening night of hockey, yes, I am writing about baseball.  And for that I will not apologize.

    It has taken me a long time to process the decision of the BBWAA to elect nobody to the Hall of Fame this year even though there were at least 6 no-brainer Hall of Famers on the ballot judging from their on-field performance.  There are so many things I want to say about this issue and I have sat down a couple of different times to try to write the post-vote article and I have been too fired up to do it.  Instead of saying everything I want to say I will just share one thing I want to say, and that is this – the Hall of Fame, baseball history, statistics, and sports in general are nothing without the story.

First of all, anyone who says (which I have heard many times over the last 2 weeks) that the Hall of Fame is just a museum is politely asked to leave the discussion and never to return.  The importance of the Hall of Fame to these players and to the sport of baseball cannot be overstated.  It is the Hall of Fame and all it encapsulates that separates baseball from every other sport.  That we can legitimately compare Babe Ruth and Albert Pujols without calling them apples and oranges is a part of the beauty of this game – but if we separate Babe Ruth and Albert Pujols from the story then all we have is numbers on a stat sheet.  

     The Hall of Fame tells the narrative of baseball.  The cornerstone of Ebbets Field is there on display with Curt Schilling’s bloody sock.  And yes, there are 300 men whose baseball accomplishments were so great that they have been selected to join a club so prestigious that its standard is contained in its name.  There is no standard by which the voters can give their yea or nay other than to judge them against the museum itself – Is this player worthy of the Hall of Fame?  If elected, a plaque is made and hung on the wall with a few words to summarize his career.  For example, Lou Gehrig’s plaque reads: 

Henry Louis Gehrig, New York Yankees – 1923-1939  Holder of more than a score of Major and American League records, including that of playing 2,130 consecutive games.  When he retired in 1939, he had a lifetime batting average of 340.

Hank Aaron’s plaque reads:

Henry L. “Hank” Aaron, Milwaukee N.L., Atlanta N.L., Milwaukee A.L., 1954-1976  Hit 755 home runs in 23 year career to become Majors’ all-time homer king.  Had 20 or more for 20 consecutive years, at least 30 in 15 seasons and 40 or better 8 times.  Also set records for games played (3,298) at-bats (12,364), long hits (1,477) total bases (6,856) runs batted in (2,297).  Paced N.L. in batting twice and homers, runs batted in and slugging pct. four times each.  Won most valuable player award in N.L. in 1957.  

     Their accomplishments earned them membership but their plaques in no way tell the story – that is my job and yours.  Lou Gehrig’s lifetime batting average is impressive, but his plaque tells us nothing of a consecutive games streak and career that was cut short by a horrible disease which now bears his name.  His plaque does not ask the question, “How would Gehrig’s career have been different had he never had ALS?”  That is the job of sportswriters, bleacher sitters, and Hall of Fame visitors to ask those questions.  Hank Aaron’s plaque says nothing about the atmosphere of Atlanta racism that he had to endure as he was chasing Babe Ruth’s record – that is the job of the storytellers.  Conversely, Ty Cobb’s plaque does not mention that he was the most disagreeable man ever to walk the planet; Mantle’s plaque ignores his alcoholism.  These players cannot be separated from their stories, but their stories will never be completely written on their plaques.  

     When my Father turned 60 years old we got him a trip to Cooperstown for his birthday.  We are a family of baseball fans and growing up out west we had never made the pilgrimage that we had always talked about.  In 2009 we went.  My Father has great stories.  Having grown up in Southern California, having worked at Dodger Stadium for some years, and being a walking baseball reference book, he is the kind of guy you want to go to Cooperstown with.  He was there the night Sandy Koufax pitched a perfect game.  When he was in high school he went to the Coliseum the night they honored Roy Campanella, one amongst 93,000 people. I have heard many of his opinions and experiences of over 50 years as a baseball fan.  Baseball has better stories than other sports.  

     It also has worse stories than other sports – the black sox scandal, the gentlemen’s agreement among owners not to sign black players, the reserve clause, the cancelation of the 1994 World Series, and now steroids.  If the depraved individuals who have written baseball history have not destroyed the game thus far than I am convinced that it cannot be destroyed.  The game has been played by scoundrels and saints.  It has been segregated, fixed, cancelled, juiced, run by conspirators, heck, even congress has tried to step in at times.  Throughout  baseball history there has been significantly more failure than fame.

     For the next decade the Hall of Fame voters will have to decide whether or not to vote players into the Hall of Fame who played in the “Steroid Era.”  Some things must be objectively considered – Jim Thome’s home run numbers are not the same as the home run numbers of Jimmie Foxx, Willie Mays, et al.    Some things can be said for certain – Rafael Palmeiro failed a drug test, Mark McGwire admitted to taking steroids.  So much of what is swaying voters is based on speculation.  Clemens was named in the Mitchell report but was not convicted by a grand jury.  Greg Maddux, who comes up for election next year must not have juiced because in the locker room when he takes his shirt off we cannot tell if he is the 300 game winner or the equipment manager.  Piazza probably juiced because he hit a lot of home runs and he played in the late ‘90’s.  There are those under the cloud (Bagwell, Sosa, etc.) and those who are not (Biggio, McGriff, Griffey, etc.). Will Frank Thomas be left out just because he is a big dude?  Will Schilling make it eventually because he was outspoken against juicing?  If this year’s standard continues then one need not even be under the cloud of suspicion but just in the general vicinity to be the proverbial baby who is tossed out with the bathwater of an entire era. 

      I have made clear my opinion about what to do with the steroid era players in a previous article.  Put them in based on their performance against their (possibly also juicing) peers.  Don’t create another wing of the Hall.  Don’t put any asterisks next to their names.  Put their plaques on the wall and write about their baseball accomplishments, and let us, the storytellers, tell the complete story.  I say put Barry Bonds in the Hall, and when I take my kids to Cooperstown I will tell them that I think Barry Bonds is the 2^nd best offensive player in the history of baseball.  I will tell them about the time when I saw him take batting practice at Bank One Ballpark and how I have never seen such a short swing produce so much.  I will tell them gladly that Bonds never won a World Series.  And I will tell them about steroids, that he never tested positive but that baseball didn’t even have testing for most of his career.  I will tell my boys what kind of jerk he was.  I will tell them that he was a cheater, but that even if he had never cheated he would still have been the best baseball player of my lifetime.  He deserves to be in the Hall, but he also deserves to have his story told.  The Hall of Fame begins to tell the story of baseball through the careers of those hanging on its walls, and those of us who walk through those halls have the responsibility and the pleasure of continuing the story.  

The Folly of College Football Bowl Games

Way too much ink has been spilled in vitriol against the BCS.  I am usually the optimist who will feel bad for the underdog, the picked-on, trying to find something good in what everyone else sees as bad.  Not possible with the BCS.  I don’t have to convince anyone that it is (insert rage here) ridiculous.  I want to look at the other side here.  Everyone wants a playoff because the BCS system more closely resembles a beauty contest than athletic competition.  But let’s think for a minute about how futile bowl games are.  

Let’s begin with the obvious - how can we take seriously a game which is played on blue astroturf, features 2 teams from mid-major conferences, and is called the Famous Idaho Potato Bowl?  ESPN tries to get us to care but I don’t even think most Toledo fans watched.  Games played in half-empty stadiums named for whoever shells out the big bucks to put their name on the game by players who have practiced for 4 weeks since their last competition don’t really do it for me.

But its not just the Beef ‘O’ Brady’s Bowl (Ball St. vs. Central Florida in case you care, which I’m sure you don’t) that is frivolous - they all are.  Yes, that includes you too Rose Bowl.  I know Keith Jackson calls you the granddaddy of them all but you mean nothing.  I grew up in Pac 10 country and then lived in Big 10 country after college.  How funny is it to see Buckeye fans wearing t-shirts which read “Rose Bowl Champions”.  Congratulations.  You are the champion of a game between 2 schools who may or may not have won their conferences and if they did it means their conference wasn’t the best in the country or else they would have been playing in a different bowl game.  But if it makes you feel good to call yourself champion then you go right ahead.  

More evidence for the meaninglessness of bowl games is the games themselves.  If you need more plays for the back of your playbook then watch more bowl games.  The reason college coaches not named Les Myles don’t do onside kicks in the 3rd quarter and fake punts 50% of the time in the regular season is because the regular season matters and coaches really want to win those games.  Bowl games on the other hand - who cares if you win or lose, so you might as well try out all of your fake field goal plays.      Remember the famous Boise State vs. Oklahoma Fiesta Bowl?  BSU forced overtime on a hook and ladder, and won in OT on a Statue of Liberty play - the same plays we drew up on the playground in 6th grade.  It is the same approach I take when I play video games - never kick a field goal - always go for it, never punt - 4th down is never too long, never kick off - always go onside.  Why?  Because who wins a bowl game matters about the same amount as who wins the video game in my living room.  

I actually saw 2 guys on the sideline of the Arizona game today (the Gildan New Mexico Bowl vs. Nevada - I didn’t watch it I just saw the highlights) punching each other in the face.  You usually don’t see teammates comes to blows in the middle of games that matter.

And here is the reason why I wrote this article - if the coaches don’t give a rat’s patoot about these football games then why should I.  It happens every year.  December is the month in which college coaches take new jobs.  Wait a minute...THE SEASON’S NOT OVER YET!  The Wisconsin Badgers will be coached in their bowl game this year by Barry Alvarez.  Why?  Because their coach took the job at Arkansas (in my opinion that was a ridiculous professional decision but that is another post).  And oh by the way, Wisconsin is playing in the Rose Bowl this year!  What if Jim Leyland would have retired in between the ALCS and the World Series?  That would be ridiculous...right?  And why would that be ridiculous?  Because the World Series is not an exhibition, it matters.   

Having said all that, I will watch as many bowl games as I can this year.  I am a sucker.  I will watch the onside kick fests coached by interim head coaches by adolescents who haven’t played in over a month.  I will watch them and be entertained, but will mostly watch them asking the question at the end of each impressive win by a quality team, “what could have been.”  I will watch the Rose Bowl and think how much better it would be if it was a national quarterfinal between the Pac-12 champs and the Big-10 champs only to play next week in the semifinal game against the winner of the SEC champs vs. A Wild Card team.  

Since you asked, here is my solution:

Champions from the 6 “BCS” conferences (of course they wouldn’t be called BCS conferences because the BCS would be taken out back and given what it deserves) are automatic bids.  The 2 highest ranked non-BCS conference champions are also in as are the 2 highest ranked non-conference champions.  The first round is 4 teams, the other 6 get a bye.  Then let ‘em have at it.  

Top 10 - Worst Hair in Sports

The first of what is sure to be many to come.  Lists.  I love lists.  I love the subjectivity of it all.  Here is the first - Bad Hair.  The rule for this list is that it has to be current hair - we are not making a list of all time, just a list for now.  This list is partially biased towards my watching Arsenal play this week and watching an NBA doubleheader tonight.  While we may disagree on the top 10, we can all agree that there is some bad hair going on is sports today.  Leave you nominations in the comments.  

10 - Marv Albert - 

You might be thinking, “his hair looks fine.”  His hair does look fine...on a 39 year old.  The problem is that Marv Albert is 71.  

9 -  Bryan Engblom - 

- Baseball players and football players are largely not know for their hair as their career is spent wearing a hat/helmet.  Hockey players also wear helmets yet they still have their own genre of hair.  No one does it better than Bryan Engblom.

8 - Michael Beasley - 

Cornrows?  Still?  Does he look in the mirror each morning and say, “oooohhh yeeeeaaaaahh, early 2000’s criminal, exactly what I’m going for.”

7 -  Eric Spoelstra - 

 - Wilson is a clown, Engblom is a hockey player, at least they have excuses.  This is Spo’s attempt at suave.  Maybe he learned from his mentor Pat Riley.  At least Riley’s used to work for him back when it had color and wasn’t so long that it is curling at the collar as it is now.  Spo’s hair symbolizes the Heat’s failures before last year - unwilling to actually step up and be something.  Lebron and co. fixed their problem, the coach’s greased mop must now do the same.  

6 - Bryce Harper -

 I think he actually got a haircut, but it was too late.  You are 19, you just received the most hyped call-up to the majors that I can remember, SportsCenter is covering your every step, and your Parents have to see you on TV with the Daniel Boone coonskin cap underneath your Nationals hat?  First impressions...bro.

5 - Bacary Sagna - 

  I’m all about having a trademark - Lebron’s headband, Tiger’s fistpump, Jordan’s tongue, Rodgers’ discount double check - but this?

4 - Mel Kyper - 

 - You are on TV for a living.  I know you cover football, Mel, but come on.  I actually can’t even stand Mel Kyper when he is on the radio.  I would not be able to call myself a friend if you were on a date and you had a boogie hanging out of your nose and I did not tell you.  Where are Mel’s friends?  Where were they 15 years ago?

3 - Brian Wilson - 

 - Man! I hate the Giants, and I can’t stand Brian Wilson.

2 - Marouane Chamak - 

 - Congratulations, Arsenal, on having 2 players in the top 10.  And all the Arsenal fans said, “give us a break...they’re both French.”

1 - Andrew Bynum - 

When you win you get 2 pics.  The bizarre thing about Bynum is that there seems to be no fashion statement going on here.  If the big man had things figured out on the court then we would view his hair in a different way.  Unfortunately his hair epitomizes his career - confused.  

How Terrell Pryor Saved Columbus

The Ohio State University is, according to Wikipedia, the 3rd largest public university in America.  It has the largest NCAA fan base in the country, and their scarlet and grey merchandise emblazoned with the block “O” leads the country in sales every year.  Their stadium seats over 100,000 fans.  They are also home to TBDBITL.  Those who love the Ohio State University can thank Terrell Pryor for salvaging their institution.  

Yes, that Terrell Pryor.  The one who headed up the tattoos for merchandise scandal which cost (the most beloved man in Columbus at the time) Jim Tressel his job and cost the Buckeyes their bowl eligibility for the 2012 season.  Take it back Buckeye fans.  All those bad words you placed in between Terell and Pryor.  All those #2 jerseys you burned in anger.  Take them all back.  He saved your university.

First you must understand the 58,000+ students at OSU.  This is the student body that loses dozens of couches every week in fall - they burn them in anger when the Buckeyes lose, they burn them in euphoria when the Buckeyes win.  Everyone knows not to leave your car parked east of High St. at night on a Saturday because if the right atmosphere surrounds it, it may get overturned - in anger when the Buckeyes lose, in unbridled joy when the Buckeyes win.  

Of course last Saturday night was an extra raucous party on High as the Buckeyes not only beat Michigan, but capped off a perfect 12-0 season.  The damage done from those parties would have only been a drop in the bucket compared to the damage that would have been done tonight, Sunday, Dec. 2nd, in Columbus, Ohio had Terrell Pryor not exchanged tattoos for autographs.  

Were it not for Terrell Pryor, tonight’s BCS selection show (assuming, of course, that the Buckeyes would have rolled over Nebraska last night in the Big 10 championship game), would have a revealed a National Championship final of the 12-0 Fighting Irish of Notre Dame vs. the 12-1 Crimson Tide of Alabama, with the 13-0 Buckeyes going to the Rose Bowl...and OSU, Columbus and possibly the state of Ohio going up in flames.  If you’ve not experienced the irrationality of OSU fans then you don’t understand, but this would have destruction that Sandy and Katrina could only aspire to.  

In the AP poll, the only poll that the BCS ineligible Buckeyes are eligible for, the Buckeyes are 3rd.  In the USA today poll Alabama is #2 but still received 3 out of 59 first place votes!  Who knows what the computers would have spit out, but I have no doubt that they would have led to the most pissed off Rose Bowl participants of all time.  Let’s be honest - Kansas St., Oregon, Notre Dame - however this season played out at the end there was going to be an SEC team in the Championship Game.  Now I am not saying that Alabama is not the best team in the country, I am only saying that the people who decide on this what-should-be-a-sporting-competition-but-is-really-a-popularity-contest had their minds made up before the season started.  When people started asking in October the (incredibly ridiculous) question of whether or not Alabama could beat the Jacksonville Jaguars of the NFL you know that objectivity is thrown out the window.  

Full disclosure - I am a Buckeye.  And honestly, I believe that if Alabama played OSU next week that Alabama would win (the spread would be a lot lower now than it was pre-Texas A&M loss).  But that this is how the national championship is decided is the 2nd most embarrassing news story in major american sports (thanks NHL).  

The BCS got real lucky this year that they didn’t have to do this.  Columbus, Ohio got real lucky that this scenario didn’t play out.  It is much better for everyone involved that the Buckeyes beat the Wolverines and rode off into the sunset with the undefeated season.  And I never thought I would say it but...thanks Terrell Pryor.  I really mean it, thanks.