The Best and Worst of the Opening Round

- Best SNL Character - Miguel Herrera

He looks and acts equal parts bully Nelson Muntz from the Simpsons and any of the numerous jubilant characters from the Chris Farley library.  Roger Bennet from Men in Blazers called him the Rob Ford of world football.  You don’t know wether to cower in fear or give him a bear hug.  He might be the most demonstrative man on earth, and lucky for Mexican fans most of that sideline emotion has been elation.  But what a job he’s done.  Mexico fired 3 managers in qualifying and Herrera (with some massive help from Graham Zusi) led Mexico to the Copa, and now into the 2nd round.  The internet loves him, and his it appears his players do as well.  One of my favorite scenes of the first round was Memo Ochoa, Mexico’s goalkeeper running all the way to midfield to celebrate, not with the goalscorer, but with his coach.

- Best Goal - Robin Van Persie’s diving header vs. Spain.  Tim Cahill vs. the Dutch was a very close 2nd.  I give a slight edge to RVP because of the creativity and invention of the goal.  It was both beautiful and brilliant.  If Cahill gets that same chance 100 more times he might not score it again - which is the beauty of it.

- Best Team - The best team has been the Netherlands.  They have mastered efficient soccer in the first round.  However, I still believe the best team is Germany.

- Best Fans - Columbia

When I watched the anthems and non-stop dance party during the Columbia/Greece match it made me wish I was Columbian.

- Best Performance - Suarez vs. England, Memo Ochoa vs. Brazil is a close second.  England desperately needed a point, Suarez was a month removed from knee surgery, he didn’t even play in Uruguay’s loss to Costa Rica, and he was facing 5 of his Liverpool  teammates in the English starting lineup.  Uruguay looked horrible without him, losing 3-1 to Costa Rica, but he almost single handedly beat England with 2 pure striker type goals.  You can have Messi, for me Suarez is the best goal scorer in the world right now.  Unfortunately, we won’t see another performance from him for a while.

Guillermo Ochoa is not the best goalkeeper in the world, but his performance against Brazil was one for the ages.  

- Best American - Jermaine Jones.  Even if he would not have scored against Portugal he was still the best player.  Dempsey has been incredible.  Omar was great against Germany.  Zusi has had some great moments.  But Jermaine Jones has been our best player.  Be encouraged America, our real best player, Michael Bradley, has had a nightmare tournament thus far, and we still survived the group of death.  Thanks mostly to Jermaine Jones.

  

- Biggest Tragedy - Croatia in the opener vs. Brazil.  

Croatia looked good, Brazil did not.  The PK awarded to Fred was the kind of dive that turns many American sports fans off to the game of soccer.  The Japanese ref made the worst homer call I’ve seen since Hoosiers.  I read one article which said that this Japanese referee spends most of his time officiating J--League matches in Japan where the games are not as intense ... and the players are more honest.  The third goal was an easy foul call at midfield where Brazil dispossessed Croatia which led to the goal.  An easy foul call, of course, unless there are 70,000 yellow clad fans right on top of you, and another 10 million waiting outside the gates.  I don’t think you could pay me enough to referee that match.  

- Worst Hacks - The eyeball test would have given the award to Honduras.  The numbers give the award to Uruguay.  Six yellows, one red, and of course Suarez, who received neither red nor yellow but won’t see the pitch for 4 months.

- Biggest Winner - Brazil.  Not the team, though they topped their group with 8 points, but the country.  Am I the only one who has been sitting in my living room wishing every day I was in Brazil.

- Biggest Losers - Suarez could win all of the worst categories so I will skip him (although maybe the biggest loser is Chiellini’s shoulder - bitten and eliminated all in the span of 30 minutes).  They have the best coach and their team looks great, but I have to say the Mexican fans might be the biggest losers of the tournament thus far.  They have headed south in droves and they have had a lot to cheer about.  But every restart by the opponents being greeted with 20,000 Mexican yelling “P#@%!” at the top of their lungs?  FIFA tried to fine the Mexican federation calling it a gay slur, which of course only made them yell it with more pride.  “Stay classy, Guadalajara.”

- Worst Idea - Qatar 2022.  I know it has nothing to do with the first round and it is still 8 years away but hasn’t watching the heat of Manaus, the beauty of Brazil, and the nation’s love for the game really made you think how horrible an idea Qatar 2022 is?

- Best Player (thus far) - Arjen Robben.  The pace and directness he plays with make everyone watching sit up every time he touches the ball.  

- Golden Boot (thus far) - Messi, Muller, Neymar - all tied with 4.  I put my money on Muller to repeat.

- Most Assists (thus far) - Juan Cuadrado (Columbia) and Daley Blind (Neth.) tied with 3.  As I used to say in high school, counting assists is for those who can’t score goals.  And then I went to college, and I started counting assists.

Feel free to add the list in the comments below.  What are your best and worst so far?